When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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