big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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