I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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