So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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