oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
