youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
