is your mom at the bar?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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