I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
