Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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