i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
