then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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