Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
