I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
