I can text with my tongue
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
