Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
