He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
