My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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