She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
