..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
