We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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