is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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