I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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