note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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