She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
