oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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