My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he shaved USA in his pubs
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
