so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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