Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
