That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
