watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
