Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
