sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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