Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
