I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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