When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
