while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Randomize
