Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I skipped work to stalk him.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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