we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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