im about as happy as oj after his trial
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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