you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
