Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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