His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
