last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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