His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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