Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
