Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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