I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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