don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
