I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Randomize
