what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
