P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
me + whiskey = a bad person
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
