This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
