Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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