Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
