i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
