Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
