your room smells of hookers.
And success
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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