they need to just BURY HIM!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
