Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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