This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
