What did we do last night that was yellow?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
