I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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